i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
