Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
