Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I came so hard my ears popped.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
