I puked a lego.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
