he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize