I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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