During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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