Just mADE A PArabola og urine
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
