So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
