i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
