You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Randomize