Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
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