If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
