Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
