All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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