i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
