I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
