I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
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