My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
