I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Randomize
