i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize