U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
