If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
