You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
