My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
