I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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