yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
