dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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