Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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