Midget sex pt 2 tonight
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
