We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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