At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
