I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Randomize
