Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Randomize
