how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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