He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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