I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
My vagina is officially offended.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
