I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Randomize
