i think my tv is drunk
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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