You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
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