Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
third nipple confirmed
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
