In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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