Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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