I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
