i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
We got so high we made milksteak
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
