shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
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