ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
