I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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