i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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