I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
it was like having sex with a tree stump
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize