I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
