You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
