so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
