I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
operation have a gay friend backfired
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
