At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
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