I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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