Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
