Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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