I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize