BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
