We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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