How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
