The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I love black thongs
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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