So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
