I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Randomize
