it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
