I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I am in a vortex of obligation.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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