So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
