Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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