So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
