We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
