My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
You can't just leave with hair like that
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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