i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
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