I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
