once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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