note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
