i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
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