WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
