there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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