hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
