You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
