I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize
