i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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