I heard we made out
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize
