i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
