Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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