can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Come share oat with me in your robe
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
