I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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