this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
